A wave of sadness and denial.

This is not a logical post and I apologize in advance for it. I was at work today and I felt this sudden wave of sadness and failure come over me like I was drowning. It felt like I had failed those around me especially my medical team and the eating disorder. I was only …

Eggshells.

I feel like everything is broken some days and I am walking around on eggshells. Still I am dealing with the side effects from the multiple Hospital admissions with my family more so my oldest daughter. Last night was horrible let me start from the beginning. I read that drinking a tablespoon of apple cider …

Eye-opener.

The past 2 weeks has been a huge eye-opener for me. Working where I work has made me realise how much we take for granted even the simple things we take for granted. I work with high dependent clients who need assistance with their basic needs. Simply working with them has taught me to appreciate …

I miss my eating disorder.

I miss my eating disorder I miss being in the depths of it where it consumes every moment of my life and every thought. I miss fasting I miss the high that it gives me I miss purging I miss feeling in control. The only reason I have not relapsed is because of work and …

Goal for 2022.

I went to bed thinking last night if my mum thinks my sister-in-law is fat I think of me? My sister-in-law had a baby 9 months ago is a size 8 American. How am I supposed to not make myself worth on my way or appearance when my own mother does? How do I not …