Parental rant.

I am so frustrated at the moment that I feel like I need to vent instead of taking it out on myself. My mother is a narcissist and I hate admitting it but it's the truth. She is really good at playing the victim or making everything about her no matter what the situation. No …

Miserable.

I am miserable and tired of merely existing to continue in the ED behaviours. How does one go from existing to living? How does one recover? I hate purging, I despise it yet I am addicted to purging. I lie to myself, I tell myself if no one knows I am purging then no one …

17 years ago.

17 years ago my son died I remember the NICU experience like it was yesterday. 17 years ago was the last time I saw my son alive. 17 years ago what's the last time I held my son I never got to hold him while he was alive. 17 years ago was the last time …

Boundaries

There has been too much family drama going on which has had a negative effect on my mental health. I texted a family member back because I needed to set boundaries. This is what I wrote. "Sorry I have been quiet lately Rob and I have a lot going on. I am minimising myself from …

Failing.

I cannot do this. I cannot do recovery. I cannot do relapse. Whatever I do or attempt to do I completely mess up at it. I keep letting down those around me and I absolutely hate it it makes me feel like nothing but a failure. I am so angry at myself I say I …

My Mums issues became mine.

My Mums issues became mine. I realised that last night. All I could think was fuck!  Realising that made me sad. I do not want to end up like my Mum. I know if I do not recover I will, I refuse to let that happen.I refuse to let my issues become my daughters issues. …